Get the best foreign exchange rates online - click now

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

TV channels want Guantanamo detainee to save their bacon

. Two very good reasons to keep Guantanamo Bay open

Channel 4 and ITV have been strongly criticised after submitting lucrative offers to Binyam Mohamed to appear on Big Brother and I’m a Celebrity Get Me out of Here.

Both stations want the former Guantanamo detainee to appear on their shows later this year in an attempt to boost flagging ratings.

But the director of human rights pressure group Liberty, Shami Chakrabarti, slammed producers saying it was completely unacceptable to submit Mr Mohamed to the mental torture of communicating with Ant and Dec on a daily basis.

Ms Chakrabarti said:

“Talk about out of the frying pan into the fire. Mr Mohamed may see this as a means to make some quick money but I would advise him to think twice before subjecting himself to such an ordeal.

“As well as those two Geordie twats he will have to put up with a couple of nobodies from EastEnders or Emmerdale and some bird with big jugs going on all day about how fat she looks in her g-string.

“Big Brother is not much better. The odds there are he would be housed with a one-legged transvestite, an asian dwarf with a gigantic todger and some guy call Glen from Chelmsford with five pairs of white trainers.”

Channel 4 and ITV defended their actions, saying it was an excellent opportunity for the ex-Gitmo inmate to see at first hand the depths the nation had sunk to for its entertainment since he had been incarcerated.

Mr Mohamed refused to comment on the offer, saying he was entirely focused on readjusting to life in Britain after seven years of brutal torture at the hands of the Americans. He is presently staying in a two-up two-down in Bracknell, has just signed up for pre-season nets at the local cricket club and is a member of an internet dating site targeted at people whose lives had been fucked up by Dick Cheney.

Carers are working to slowly reintroduce him into the realities in of life in Britain. They are yet to show him a copy of the Daily Express and break the news that Richard and Judy no longer front up This Morning.

Nursing Assistant Joan Dogweed told the press that on arrival at his new home Mr Mohamed had immediately questioned her on whether the king and queen of daytime TV were still together.

She told us: “From what he said it appears that Guantanamo Bay was split into two camps, those who thought Richard and Judy would go the distance and those that believed he would one day find a piece of hot young crumpet and bugger-off.

“Mr Mohamed was a believer in their love and so will be pleased they are still happily married. However I will wait a bit before telling him they now operate from some internet porn channel.”

No comments:

Post a Comment

© The Stupid Times, 2008 - 2009

DISCLAIMER: The Stupid Times is a satire blog. All stories are created as parodies of the real news. We hope.