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Monday, February 9, 2009

Angelina Jolie turns the air blue at the BAFTAs

.Jolie before her expletive-laden outburst

The most famous couple in cinema were involved in an ugly shouting match outside the Royal Opera House after coming away from last nights BAFTAs empty handed.

Movie fans were stunned to see Angelina Jolie turn on hubby Brad Pitt and call him a “fucking moron” for insisting they attend the ceremony despite having zero chance of winning. The sultry star went on to publicly accuse her partner of being deluded about his acting abilities and saying he looked like a real gay boy with his new moustache.

Earlier in the evening Jolie had predictably been pipped by Kate Winslet for the Best Actress award and Pitt had lost out to Mickey Rourke for the prize of Best Actor. Later speaking exclusively to The Stupid Times at a BAFTA after party, Jolie said:

"There was no way the Brits were going to vote for me ahead of that bitch Winslet, no matter how nauseating the prospect of her making another tearful acceptance speech was.

"Brad makes for good eye candy but when the serious acting prizes are being handed out, his time would be better spent filling out the papers for the Scottish triplets we are trying to adopt. The only good thing about the night was that fucking Tom Cruise isn't in town. I am getting pretty pissed off with him trying to sign Brad up to Scientology.

"Mind you, if you had made a shit war film littered with historical inaccuracies while playing the lead role as a German using an American accent, then I'm sure you may have felt a little embarrassed showing your face around your peers."

Jolie went on to criticise the BAFTA organisers saying it was ridiculous having such an important event on a weekend when the Circle Line of the London Underground was closed.

"It was a nightmare getting from our hotel to Covent Garden with the tube down and I’ll be fucked if I am getting the night bus home later," she said huddling under an umbrella and smoking a roll up. "Meryl Streep has the number for a 24 hour mini-cab service so hopefully that should sort us out. Bollocks am I coming back to this turd of a city next year."

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