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Thursday, February 26, 2009

House Speaker has massive stimulus during Obama's speech to Congress

We need a babysitter

The Speaker of the House of Representatives has come under heavy fire after being caught ‘twittering’ on how much she would like to get her hands on the President’s guns and buns.

Nancy Pelosi was spotted using her Blackberry to post salacious comments about Obama’s physique throughout his address to a joint session of Congress on Tuesday night.

While VP Joe Biden looked on, the randy top House Democrat next to him was seen to be drooling at the tightness of the President’s slacks and his rippling biceps.

A senior Senator who wished to remain anonymous said:

“First of all I don’t know how the fuck she managed to do any twittering due to the fact she spent most of her time leaping to her feet and clapping like mad each time Obama made it to the end of a sentence.

“Most of us assumed this staggering display of brown-nosing was due to her attempting to soften her image of being the ‘Wicked Witch of the Left.’

“However, having read this smut it is now clear the standing ovations were more directed towards getting the President to sign her tits just as soon as Michelle had cleared off home to catch the end of ‘Desperate Housewives’.

Pelosi has today gone to ground and her twitterings removed from her internet. She is said to be highly embarrassed by her actions and has vowed to never again try to use her booty as a means to impress the President.

Spokeswoman Jenna Jameson said:

“Nancy just got very hot under the collar and carried away with the moment. She wrongly thought she was reflecting the views of the nation when she typed that she would like a piece of his pork barrel spending."

Pelosi was not the only figure on Capitol Hill to get caught out using the new social networking site. Texas Republican Congressman Mike Burgess posted that he ‘could not give a shit what the President was saying’ as long as he didn't challenge his right to shoot at Mexicans who wandered onto his land.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton candidly told the online community she did not buy her husband’s explanation that the two large packs of cigars he had bought were for a boy’s poker night.

And Senator Claire McCaskill repeatedly typed she was dying for a piss and was desperate for the President to shut-up so she could get on the toilet and release the pressure. She was later spotted wearing a different coloured skirt, prompting speculation the Missouri Democrat had not managed to stay the course.

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