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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Mandelson and Starbucks chief in street fight

Mandy threatens more shit on his way out of jail

Lord Mandelson has been arrested following a public brawl with the Chairman of the Starbucks coffee empire after he questioned the state of the British economy.

At a New York diplomatic cocktail party, the UK Business Secretary accused Howard Schultz of being “a no good motherfucker” and told him to stop “disrespecting” Britain's prospects of financial recovery.

Mr Shultz had earlier told the business TV channel CNBC that the UK was “not worth a bucket of fresh shit” and that the government “should go back to momma before they all start crying like babies.”

According to witnesses, the fight started during a party hosted by the British consul-general after Schultz refused to retract his comments. Mandelson smashed his glass at the Starbucks supremo’s feet and threw a round house kick at him, breaking his nose. Caught off guard, Schultz sprang back, parried Mandelson across the room, twisted to deflect a sucker punch and then pushed him face first into the buffet, scattering canap├ęs and petit fours over the floor.
Despite attempts from party guests to stop the fight, the UK’s top commerce official refused to calm down. He got up and shouted “STARBUCKS CAN KISS MY BIG WHITE ASS”, grappled Schultz through the door and out on to the street with the fired-up party guests in tow.

By this time, both men had lost their jackets and ties, and were bleeding heavily from their wounds. The opponents paced up and down, squaring up to each other and growling like animals while a baying crowd looked on.
Mandelson stripped to the waist, flexed his muscles and launched into an expletive laden tirade on the subject of Starbucks’ profit/loss figures. Just as Schultz was about to launch another flurry of punches, the police arrived and the crowd scattered, leaving the two antagonists to face the music in jail.

Mandelson was unapologetic as he was bailed out by the consul-general later that night. “That fucker can stick his shit coffee up his ass,” he said, sneering at the waiting press. “I’m coming back, Schultz, make no mistake, I’m coming to get you.”

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