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Friday, February 20, 2009

Men not taking polygamy seriously enough says bloody woman

Men in politics, the media and the wider public are not prepared to discuss the issue of polygamy without making childish jokes, a leading Conservative peer has told the Stupid Times.

Baroness Warsi, shadow minister for community cohesion, said it was time men took the issue seriously and stopped cracking gags about threesomes, sore cocks, and endless nagging. Only then would society be able to tackle the problem in a mature and grown up way.

The Tory rising star said men of all ages, races and faiths, had been united for years in mocking the issue.

“The fact that a man might have 6 wives does not necessarily mean that he will get 6 times as much sex, 6 times as much financial pressure, or 6 times as much grief from ‘er indoors,” she told us at a press conference. “Men need to realise that polygamy is often a grave situation for all involved and not something that should be sniggered at when I’m not looking.”

Tory leader David Cameron spoke at the event in support of Baroness Warsi. However, he was unable to continue the speech after his accidental use of the phrase “male members need to be more visible” caused rapturous laughter from the men in the crowd and caused Mr Cameron to almost piss himself laughing.

We went out onto the streets of London to garner views and found a roughly equal split among the capital’s men folk.

David James, a solicitor from Balham, was forthright in his opinion of polygamy. “Fuck that shit” he told us, “I’ve already got one wife I hate. She’s bankrupted and broken me with constant demands for home improvement and holidays. Why would I want twice the misery?”

But Ben Thomas, a builder from Enfield, was more positive. “Oh yeah! Bring it on. I’ll have wife 1 for breakfast, wife 2 for lunch, wife 3 for tea, and then we’ll have a big dirty Ben sandwich before lights out. Me and my knob can’t wait!”

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