Olympic record breaker Michael Phelps has defended his new stoner status after being caught clearing out a large cone of Moroccan cannabis resin at a college party.
Last week the swimming sensation of Beijing was widely condemned after photos of him working the bong were plastered across the British tabloids. But Phelps has hit back at those questioning his smoking prowess and dismissed claims that his antics have damaged the role model status he enjoys around the world.
The 14 time gold medallist said: “For far too long we have had our younger generation going through higher education with very little formal training on how to successfully inhale a large cone at a party full of busty babes. This has subsequently led to countless cases of bong water being spilt over the floor and horrendous whiteys being pulled by students across the globe.
Despite what people are claiming the photo shows, I am generating a high level of smoke from a moderate amount of cannabis – a skill that would serve many of our bright young things well.”
But US officials have expressed disappointment at Phelps’ technique and have announced they will be reviewing the abilities of all its athletes to take recreational drugs in a public setting.
A spokesperson said: “In the pool Phelps is a perfectionist but we believe there is plenty of room for improvement with his work on the bong. We are now also concerned on whether he has the ability to successfully hoover up a large line of coke or cook up a nice mushroom brew – all skills that will serve him well when he has retired with shit loads of cash and nothing to do apart from get on the gear.”
Phelps’ agent has been quick to dismiss claims that his client will be dropped by his major sponsors in the wake of the revelations. Loitering by the car lot where Phelps scores, Davey Jones said: “We have a big deal with Kellogg's who carefully protect their image. But they have been quick to recognise the excellence of his toking technique and the new market Michael has tapped into. If students follow his lead they will be getting stoned much quicker and on a more regular basis. A national increase in attacks of the munchies could lead to Kellogg's becoming the cereal of choice for screwballs.”
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