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Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Brown 'very angry' over bonus paid to paperboy

.Where are my f*#king papers you c£@t?

The Prime Minister was said to be furious last night after discovering that his wife Sarah gave a £20 Christmas tip to their paperboy in 2008.

Mr Brown was looking through the Downing Street petty cash box when he found the I.O.U. note from his wife dated 23rd December. He quizzed her about it over dinner and she admitted that the bonus had been paid against his wishes.

The PM has recently been heavily critical of his paperboy after a year of failed or late deliveries, missing sections, and damaged papers. Many times since November 2007, Mr Brown had blamed 13 year old Freddie Goodwin for not giving him time to react to the days headlines because he had delivered the papers too late or not at all.

Goodwin's failure to deliver the Mail on Sunday for three weeks running in May 2008 meant that Brown was unaware of the full effect of the housing crash on the middle classes of Surrey. The lack of the Daily Sport during August also meant he missed out on the juicy gossip as Big Brother 10 reached its climax, and he suspects Goodwin of taking the tit-filled rags home with him after his round.

Goodwin's mum has stepped in to defend her only son in the face of the prime ministerial attacks. Speaking outside her council flat in Pimlico Jane Goodwin accused Mr Brown of making Freddie a scapegoat for his poor handling of the economy. "Leave him alone, he's a good boy. He works hard every morning , cycles all the way to Westminster and then has to go to school. Mr Brown should try doing it for a day, he'd soon realise."

The Prime Minister however is escalating the issue. Goodwin is being called before the House of Commons postal services committee today and will be grilled by MPs over the missed and late deliveries throughout 2008. He is under pressure to issue an apology, but is expected to slouch on his chair, chew his nails and fiddle with his iPod throughout the hearing.

United Paperboys Union General Secretary, 15 year old Andy Hornby, blasted Brown for his persecution of Goodwin. "He's just a big fat idiot innit, he can't tell us what to do," he said, smoking round the back of a paper shop in East London. "I'm gonna go down there and put dogshit though the door of Number 10 if he don't shut up."

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