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Thursday, February 26, 2009

GOP announce plan to dump unemployed in volcanoes

Who wants to sweep themselves under the rug?

The Republicans have slammed President Obama's multi-billion dollar stimulus package and have responded with their own money saving ideas to drag America out of the hole they dug.

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal, who gave the official GOP response to the President's state of the union speech, explained his plan to transport the unemployed from across the country and throw them into active volcanoes.

"Instead of creating jobs through government spending, what Congress should be creating is great big holes to hide things in," Jindal said. "All the smoke and magma from our volcanoes will incinerate or obscure the human evidence from years of us fucking up the country."

The Mayor of Vancouver in Washington State, which is near Mount St Helens, was upbeat about the idea. "Our town's economy is in deep shit," said Royce Pollard. "But all these people will need a last meal and maybe a beer before they get burnt alive to keep the unemployment statistics low. Well, here in Vancouver we would like to extend an all American welcome on their way under the rug."

The Republican rising star also set out his proposals for making the country safer by extending gun ownership to racoons, squirrels and grizzly bears. "This will not only make our trees and national parks safer but will provide jobs in weapons manufacturing, and also in training these animals how to use assault weapons."

Analysts have suggested that the Governor's speech was a carefully planned tactical move to prepare for his own presidential bid in 2012 or 2016. Either that or he has lost the plot and is trying to drive the party into a right-wing ditch to keep Rush Limbaugh happy.


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