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Friday, February 13, 2009

Shit satellites crash and cause shit

Get out of the fucking way!

Diplomatic relations between the USA and Russia are severely strained with neither side willing to admit liability for a collision that wrote off two satellites Thursday.

The space smash occurred when the American probe came whizzing round a sharp bend and ploughed into the back of the Russian satellite sitting 500 miles above Siberia. Scientists in the East and West are now locked in heated exchanges that will ultimately lead to one party being forced to give up their no claims bonus.

Nasa spokesman John Yembrick said: “After the Challenger went down in 1987 our insurance premiums rocketed. We finally get our payments down to a reasonable level, admittedly only with third party fire and theft cover, and then this happens.

“With the commies continuing to have these pieces of crap floating round the atmosphere it's an accident waiting to happen. We admit our guy was travelling a little fast but everyone could see the Russian satellite was dangerously out of control and swerving all over the place. It's their responsibility to keep their vehicles on the straight and narrow.

“I will be fucked if I am going to AIG cap in hand for a pay-out, especially as they will be a little short of cash with bonus season coming up.”

However the Stupid Times have learned that Roscosmos, the Russian civilian space agency, are disputing the Yanks version of events and are refusing to invade and loot Georgia to pay for the space pile-up.

Spokesman Alexsandr Vorobyev said:

“Just like their liquor and their women the Americans cannot control their spaceships. As any man in Soho or San Fransisco will tell you, if you get hit hard from behind it is the other guy’s fault. The fact our guys controlling things down on Earth had just consumed three bottles of vodka at the time of the crash is beside the point. As long as you keep it under four you will pass any breathalyzer test in Russia. The good news is that a large American pay-out may mean we will not have to turn off the gas to the Ukraine again until next winter.”

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