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Friday, February 6, 2009
Just as the fervent criticism of anyone and anything that could be held responsible for the snow and the after effects was subsiding, the Met Office have issued warnings of a new front of mindless finger pointing heading towards Britain today.
The Daily Mail and the Telegraph had finally managed to strap its leading columnists into strait jackets and calm them down when the news broke. At the Mail's office in central London Melanie Phillips chewed through the straps and immediately penned a provocative piece about how single mothers, immigrants and gays are responsible for the inadequate amount of gritting vans across the country.
Awful parents up and down the land are currently berating their children for ever being born and making them stay home from their jobs to look after them when the schools close because teachers can't get to work. Business organisations are furiously inventing figures that represent the cost to the economy of everyone having a bloody good time for a day.
Sir Eric Barking of the pressure group Brilliant! Let's All Make Enemies (BLAME) said that he would like to see flogging brought in for primary school teachers who refuse to walk ten miles to school through ice and snow. "The Telegraph got it right - they need to have more grit. The same grit I showed in getting chauffeur driven to work in my butler's 4X4, regardless of the weather."
Meanwhile drivers groups called on the government to steal salt and grit from other countries so that roads could be cleared. "This will allow our members to crawl along at 5 miles an hour, then suddenly speed up, crash into the car in front and then blame the government for not making the roads safe enough," said AA president Edmund King.
However, 9 year old Tom Allen from Nottingham was like most children in looking forward to more snow and time off school. "It's been ace, me and my sister made a snowman and threw snowballs and did snow angels, " he told us. "The only thing is, my Mum and Dad keep moaning that they are missing work instead of playing with us. What a pair of boring fucking twats."