Get the best foreign exchange rates online - click now

Friday, February 6, 2009

Britain braces itself for more moral outrage

.Someone will pay for this, mark my words

Just as the fervent criticism of anyone and anything that could be held responsible for the snow and the after effects was subsiding, the Met Office have issued warnings of a new front of mindless finger pointing heading towards Britain today.

The Daily Mail and the Telegraph had finally managed to strap its leading columnists into strait jackets and calm them down when the news broke. At the Mail's office in central London Melanie Phillips chewed through the straps and immediately penned a provocative piece about how single mothers, immigrants and gays are responsible for the inadequate amount of gritting vans across the country.

Awful parents up and down the land are currently berating their children for ever being born and making them stay home from their jobs to look after them when the schools close because teachers can't get to work. Business organisations are furiously inventing figures that represent the cost to the economy of everyone having a bloody good time for a day.

Sir Eric Barking of the pressure group Brilliant! Let's All Make Enemies (BLAME) said that he would like to see flogging brought in for primary school teachers who refuse to walk ten miles to school through ice and snow. "The Telegraph got it right - they need to have more grit. The same grit I showed in getting chauffeur driven to work in my butler's 4X4, regardless of the weather."

Meanwhile drivers groups called on the government to steal salt and grit from other countries so that roads could be cleared. "This will allow our members to crawl along at 5 miles an hour, then suddenly speed up, crash into the car in front and then blame the government for not making the roads safe enough," said AA president Edmund King.

However, 9 year old Tom Allen from Nottingham was like most children in looking forward to more snow and time off school. "It's been ace, me and my sister made a snowman and threw snowballs and did snow angels, " he told us. "The only thing is, my Mum and Dad keep moaning that they are missing work instead of playing with us. What a pair of boring fucking twats."


  1. I personally think this calls for increased funding for public enjoyment at such times as these. We could even deam it the Smile-Again-Britain Initiative!

    Construction of a year-round ski slope and provisions of Westminster-funded UniQlo gloves are absolute considerations - likewise should free transport and a cut in congestion charges when Britain gets hounded by bad weather. In succession a) we'd be contributing to foreign clothing imports that could help raise the value of our own dear pound and b) removing financial incetives against staying at home might actually get lazy parents to work on the day. After all, it's not as if they'll be playing with their kids.

  2. You are dead right. Keep reading...


© The Stupid Times, 2008 - 2009

DISCLAIMER: The Stupid Times is a satire blog. All stories are created as parodies of the real news. We hope.