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Saturday, February 14, 2009
The Stupid Times has learned the new Obama administration is to move diplomatic meetings out of the Oval Office and onto his new White House basketball court.
The President sees shooting hoops with foreign leaders as providing further evidence to the American people that he will be bringing true change to Washington.
He is now planning to mark the opening of his court, built below the West Wing, with a round robin tournament containing five groups; the Americas, Europe, The Commies, the Sub Continent and the Middle East.
The US have already been installed as warm favourites with the Chinese and Japanese not expected to figure due to them having only two players over five foot.
After holding a free throw competition with the press, Obama said: “Let's be frank, do you think World leaders would prefer to be bored shitless at the G20 meeting in London in April or come back to my house for some game time.
“With the global recession spiralling out of control I feel a little basketball will both lift the spirits of beleaguered governments around the world and provide some cracking entertainment for both sporting and political fans.
“Who doesn’t want to see if I can take Putin to the hole and dunk it in his face?
“I also hear that Gordon Brown is a sharp shooter from down-town. If he gets on a three-point run and the Miliband boys work the boards they may be a difficult team to beat.”
The White House has rejected claims that putting Iran, Iraq, Israel, Palestine and an All-Star Al Qaeda Five in the same group could spark riots back in the Middle East.
Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said: “We have been trying and failing to move the Middle East peace process forward for decades. Maybe a couple of games of basketball could finally provide us with the breakthrough.
“It's also safe to say we will all be interested to see what kind of team Al Qaeda will put out. President Obama has promised immunity from prosecution to ensure they send their best guys and a US v Al Qaeda semi-final would be the sporting event of the century.”
European participation in the tournament has been confirmed with hoops and backboards being erected in 10 Downing Street, the Elysee Palace and the Reichstag.
Gordon Brown could barely conceal his excitement on hearing the UK had been drawn against France in the tournament opener.
“That midget Sarkosy took the piss out of my cut in VAT and now he is going to have me in his face and watch Lord Mandelson hit nothing but net for 60 minutes.”