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Wednesday, February 25, 2009
The Stupid Times can exclusively reveal Arnold Schwarzenegger is set to revive his role as the Terminator in a desperate attempt to balance California’s books.
After 46 straight hours of debate state legislators finally passed a budget last week that will halve the deficit of $40 billion by June 2010. But the Governor has now pledged to donate his fee for ‘Terminator 4 – Gay Love Behind Bars’ and a cut of the box office takings to prevent further public sector workers across the state getting the boot.
The plot is yet to be confirmed but is rumoured to involve John Connor being sent to the slammer after being identified as a key player in the Bernard Madoff fraud. The Terminator is then sent back through time to work as a prison guard and ensure John never escapes, only for the two to fall in love and elope to San Francisco.
Schwarzenegger has taken unpaid leave from the Governor's mansion for the next two months to learn his eight lines for the film, find a steroids dealer and get beefed up at the gym.
Speaking at Venice Beach after a lengthy workout he said:
“Up until this moment my main achievement as Governor has been to convert my hummer to run on grapes. I am really excited at the prospect of the Terminator riding to the rescue of the people of California
“I admit the plot is a little far fetched but you just have to look at our politics to see nothing really makes sense anymore.
“This budget saw Republicans voting for tax rises and Democrats voting to cut spending. If you can accept this then I think the premise of John Connor and the Terminator becoming an item is perfectly plausible.
“The name of the game is to make a lot of money by producing an absolutely ridiculous film, something for which I have a genuine expertise.”
Filming is due to start in the next few weeks but there are reports of a possible delay with Schwarzenegger wanting his character to be more pro-environment than in previous films. Ideas being circulated are for the Terminator to ride his bike at a set speed to maximise fuel efficiency and for him to always shut himself down at bedtime rather than leaving himself on stand-by all night.