Flights ferrying sad bastards home from Thailand's international airport have been suspended after hundreds of anti-government protesters stormed the building in Bangkok.
The demonstrators are in full control of Suvarnabhumi airport, leaving thousands of sex tourists stranded. Some are rejoicing, others are tearfully calling their wives and asking for help.
Overweight and hideously ugly western men are crammed into the airports departure lounge staring forlornly at the departure screens. Hans Aufman, a Catholic priest from Hamburg, was due home yesterday to preside over several weddings. "It's disgraceful" he told us angrily.
"I, a man of the cloth come here for a relaxing week of having sex with underage girls and now I'm stuck in this god-forsaken place."
A group of British weirdos from Manchester were furious at the protesters. "Some of us are teachers and policeman, we're needed back home."
But Chuck Sandelman, an obese American banker from North Carolina, was relaxed about the situation. "I was only supposed to be here for a long weekend," he told us with a nauseating smile. "It looks like I'll be missing my daughters 15th birthday, but hey - I think I'll be celebrating a few others."