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Thursday, November 20, 2008

Man kills himself during strategy meeting

A consultant talking crap yesterday

A middle manager at a leading business services consultancy has committed suicide in front of his colleagues during a team meeting. The unnamed man, who is married and in his mid-40s shot himself in the head at a corporate strategy workshop organised to address the company’s recent decline in light of the financial crisis.

It appears that he had finally had enough of corporate bullshit, management speak and meaningless waffle that fails to address the real issues. A close colleague of the dead man who wished to remain anonymous revealed that during the meeting the man had become increasingly agitated as superiors discussed their ‘corporate vision’ for the company over the next few years.

“He was visibly wincing when the HR manager kept mentioning ‘a focus on the team’ and dug his pen into his leg at mentions of ‘downsizing and reallocation’. He seemed to calm down during the finance segment, but when the boss announced the new ‘change management processes’ he pulled out a pistol and blew his own brains out.”

A spokesman for the company has announced that his family will be receiving a ‘transitional post-loss compensation plan’.

1 comment:

  1. In this harsh economic climate, the dead man appears to have been the only one with a plan. A bailout plan, with lots of zeros at the end of it.


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