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Saturday, November 15, 2008

Charlton Heston posthumously gives up guns

Heston talking to one of the apes

Deceased actor Charlton Heston has finally had his guns prised from his "cold dead hands" according to reports.  With the election of Barack Obama as the 44th president, Heston's corpse has given up his campaign for gun rights in the USA as he thinks that the new liberal majority will soon be banning people from owning extremely dangerous  firearms with questionable self defence benefits. 

The Planet of the Apes star continued to be an advocate for Americans having access to killing devices even after his death earlier this year, by stating in his will that he would like his burial site, "tooled up" so that he could repel anyone tried to steal a lump of rotting flesh from his body. 

When Heston's cadaver heard the news of Obama's victory and Democratic majorities in Congress it sighed and loosened it's grip on the assault weapons that were buried with it to ward of moles, worms and ants, lest they try to invade the coffin. 

Leading gun activists across the USA have expressed disappointment at their former champion. National Rifle Association president John Sigler was said, to visibly saddened and slightly murderous on hearing the news. 

President-elect Obama however reassured NRA members that they would be able to continue owning unnecessary weapons.  "Let make no mistake my fellow Americans, I want to get things done while I am in office," he said in a video address on his website.  "These gun owning nuts already want to kill me, I'm not going upset them any more than I have to."

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