Bush using California wildfires to destroy evidence

With the shredders and incinerators at the White House working to full capacity to destroy incriminating records of the last 8 years, the outgoing Bush-Cheney administration seem to have come up with a novel way to address the shortfall and ensure that their wrongdoing is concealed after January 20th.

At 5pm Pacific Standard Time on Sunday as fire-fighters were tackling the intense blazes engulfing much of southern California, the presidential helicopter Marine One was seen coming into view just outside the town of Oakridge. The men cheered and waved, under the impression that the president had ordered his own personal helicopter into the danger zone to help douse the flames. However, it was on a different mission. Los Angeles Fire Department Captain Steve Ruda described to us what happened next.

“All the men were cheering when the president’s helicopter flew over. We thought that it had been sent to help tackle the fire or maybe Bush had come to see for himself what’s going on.” But as Captain Ruda explained, Marine One was not carrying water. “The cargo door opens and there’s this bald guy throwing out stacks of paper, files, disks and photographs onto the fire. I couldn’t be sure, but he looked a lot like Vice-president Cheney.”

According to reports around the area Marine One made several visits that day, dumping detritus in the most intense fires. A White House spokesman denied that the administration was taking advantage of one of the worst fires in recent Californian history to cover up the illegal activities of Bush and Cheney’s two terms in office. “We are not trying to destroy evidence; all of the drops have been of unusually shaped water balloons. The next batch of balloons will be shaped like computers and tape recorders.”

Meanwhile, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger was seen driving a truckload of water at the flames near Montecito, before jumping out at the last minute, machine-gunning some arsonists and throwing himself into a waiting chopper.