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Monday, November 17, 2008

Mythical Beatles track latest part of dead horse to be flogged

Sir Paul McCartney is set to pick some more flesh off the bones of his former band with the release of ‘Carnival of Light’ a 14 minute jam recorded in 1967 that John Lennon and George Harrison thought was shit. McCartney, who hasn’t written a decent song since the early 1970s, has spoken to the media about the song in order to sell a few extra Beatles albums at Christmas, in the absence of a re-packaged “Best Of” this year containing all the same songs as the others.

Walking along the street with his trademark man boobs and thumbs on display, the 66 year old one trick pony smiled and waved at reporters on his way to the bank to draw out some of his hundreds of millions of pounds. “It’s really cool man,” he told us. “This was just something we did for a laugh when we were stoned over 40 years ago and everyone forgot about. Yeah, groovy. Now that John and George are dead, I can release it and make even more cash. Right on.”

McCartney was one half of the song writing team with Lennon that led the Beatles to produce some of the most memorable music of all time in the 1960s and gain millions of fans all over the world. However, after the band broke up in 1970 McCartney inflicted the shame and embarrassment of Wings and his solo career on his loyal followers. These days he is best known for marrying and divorcing a one legged lunatic, and spends most of his time with his nose up the arses of the British Royal Family.

Drummer Ringo Starr, who still can’t quite believe his luck 46 years after being hired, is understood to be supportive of the release as he wants to repave his front drive with gold leaf and take long overdue drumming lessons. He has had few discernable achievements since the Beatles and Thomas the Tank Engine pay cheques have long since dried up. He recently asked fans to stop sending him letters in an attempt to remind the world that he is still alive.

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