Flawed science may adversely affect children

Children whose parents constantly overreact to the latest scientific research could have their development undermined, a study has suggested.

Researchers found that parents who aren’t constantly worrying themselves into an early grave over the latest round of unproven studies are more likely to talk, laugh and interact with their children.

The study was prompted by some crap research carried out by Dr Suzanne Zeedyk from Dundee University, in collaboration with the charity the National Literacy Trust (NLT). Dr Zeedyk’s research suggested that it actually matters which way a baby is facing when it is crying, falling asleep or soiling its nappy in a buggy.

However, parallel surveys discovered that while some babies did have a preference of direction, most were indifferent and just wanted a tit in their mouth as soon as possible. They also showed that parents who fuss and fret over every microscopic detail of their child’s development are a real pain in the arse and need some kind of counselling, so that they don’t ruin their kids lives.

Dr Zeedyk called for a larger scale study to be carried out so she could attempt to justify the huge sum of money she had spent on the last one.