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Friday, January 2, 2009

2009 New Year resolutions broken in record time

As the hangovers fade and the memories of 2008 rescind, people around the world are finding that the promises made to loved ones and to themselves on New Year's Eve are being kicked into the long grass faster than ever before.

Tom Meiner of Woodbury, Minnesota had planned to quit drinking on New Years Day 2009, but his wife Sarah had also secretly pledged to leave him and take the kids. When Tom woke up at 11am and realised they were gone, he reached for the gin and spent the rest of the day in his own alcoholic private hell.

The monks of the Order of St.Hefner in County Sligo, Ireland made a promise to the Bishop of Elphin that they would stop downloading hardcore porn and free up the diocesan bandwidth. But Brother Peter received an email at 6am on New Years Day promising free hot girl on girl action and proceeded to forward it around the monastry, crippling the network.

19 year old Franco Berelli of Milan, Italy had promised his mother that he would stop following female tourists on his moped in 2009, following several arrests in 2008 and 2007. Sadly for Signora Berelli, Franco spied a group of blonde American girls on his way to work at 8am and spent the rest of the day stalking them, smiling and whistling and generally freaking them out.

One man is bucking the trend however. In London, British Prime Minister Gordon Brown promised his Cabinet that he would start bloody smiling more. This was always going to be a tall order, but when he switched on the news and to monitor the chaos in Gaza, he saw an analyst criticising Tony Blair's apparent lack of success in negotiating peace. The cheshire cat grin hasn't left him since.


Have a Stupid New Year!

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