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Friday, January 23, 2009

Obama to keep his Nintendo DS

The new president has struck a deal with senior White House staff that will allow him to keep the popular handheld gaming device during his time in office.

President Obama was concerned that the pressures of office would leave no opportunity for Animal Crossing, Mario Kart or his favourite, Nintendogs. He was also keen to have a distraction to stop him throwing chairs across the room when faced with congressional obstruction or the banal details of welfare reform.

A compromise was announced Thursday by Press Secretary Robert Gibbs at his first meeting with White House reporters. “The president has a DS,” Gibbs told the press corps. “The team have agreed to let him keep it as long as he promises not to play Star Wars Lego during Cabinet meetings or Cooking Mama whilst on the phone to foreign leaders”

The last-minute deal was apparently reached on Wednesday night when Obama, exhausted after his first full day as leader of the free world, threw a tantrum and refused to eat his dinner or go to bed on time.

“He was put in the naughty chair by Michelle, but he kept getting up and trying to take the DS out of the toy cupboard,” a junior White House staff member told us. “Vice-president Biden had to physically restrain him when he threatened to throw the Resolute Desk over. He then started sobbing and apologising, at which point Chief of Staff Rahm Emmanuel stepped in and brokered the DS agreement.”

This is not the first time that an incoming president has had to give up or curtail some of his favourite pastimes. In 1981, Ronald Reagan was forced to stop riding his horse through the West Wing when it went berserk and smashed a window, before leaving a steaming heap of shit on the rug. Back in 1909, William Taft’s habit of roasting pigs in the newly constructed Oval Office had to move outdoors because of the hot fat that kept staining the floor.

Bill Clinton however, was able to continue his habit of being sucked off by female interns and in fact managed to score more pussy as President than he did as Governor of Arkansas.

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