Microsoft has stepped up the battle to win back users with the latest release of its Internet Explorer browser which is by it's own admission 'fucking incredible.'
The US software giant says IE 8 is sexier, better dressed, more caring, smells nicer and has a greater sense of social responsibility than its competitors.
"We have made IE 8 the best browser when it comes to manners and etiquette," said Microsoft's Amy Barzdukas. "IE 8 will not come first and leave you unsatisfied, and nor will it leave the washing up until morning. This is one modern and considerate browser."
With Firefox, Chrome, and Safari snapping at it's heels for the title of browser that is coolest, safest and most tuned into the real you, Microsoft has been under pressure to create a browser that won't just sit around eating nachos and watching re-runs of Seinfeld.
The new version of the browser comes packed with features, such as a birthday and anniversary remembering tool, over a million cake recipes, and a convenient feature that saves women the trouble of looking for their partner's porn searches - it reports them direct to their man's female relatives via email.
"I may be biased," said Ms Barzdukas, "but I want to marry this web browser, have babies, and buy a house in the suburbs with it. It has won my heart, turned me on, and the millions of viruses, ads and pop-ups that will sneak through it's paper thin security protocols aren't going to stop me."
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