Obama takes the Balls in hand

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As the Obama administration gets to grips with the task of government, details of the Inauguration Night celebrations are beginning to leak out.

The Stupid Times can exclusively reveal that President Obama was seen backstage at his seventh inaugural ball trying to score coke and ecstasy before hitting the dance floor. On arriving at the Let’s get dressed as a Pirate Ball Obama was heard saying that he could not face clambering aboard the Jolly Roger themed dance floor with his first mate Michelle wearing an eye patch.

Soon after the leader of the free world was spotted by the bar with a young man dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow muttering ‘pills, pills you got any pills.’

The Stupid Times is unable to officially confirm whether the first black President was able to score and if so whether he decided to double drop. But organisers at the Austin Powers ball were said to be a little miffed when Obama arrived twenty minutes late wearing white gloves, a whistle in his mouth and eyes in the back of his head demanding some deep trance was put on. Onlookers have stated that he was clearly off his face on chang and wobbly eggs.

A reliable White House source said: “After the third ball the Obamas were bored shitless of doing the same dance to the same music in front of people crying, gawping or taking endless photos.

An executive decision was taken that Barack in particular needed a bit of a pick-me-up to ensure he made it to his last stops, which were the Toga Ball and Bill Clinton’s College Girls and Interns bash.

I will not reveal what we got hold of but the fact that Press Secretary Robert Gibbs spent his time massaging people’s heads, having intense conversations by the urinals and telling all the Secret Service how much he loved them tells it's own story.”

There was reported to have been a minor fall-out when the new President failed to arrive at Clinton’s ball, which was his last scheduled stop of the night. Obama was said to have bailed at the last minute and insisted he be taken to the Washington Monument in search of some free parties and a place to come down.

The office of former President Clinton refused to comment on this matter or why their boss had been seen entering his ball dressed as the gym instructor carrying three packs of cigars.

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