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Sunday, January 4, 2009

Tramps angered by lack of access to 99p pint

A UK pub chain is cutting the price of a pint to 99p to cheer cash-strapped drinkers - but the move has sparked criticism from a homeless alcoholics organisation.

The Council of Hobos, Bums and Vagrants (CHBV) has complained that most of it members are barred from JD Wetherspoons premises and therefore unable to take advantage of the discount. They will instead be forced to drink a similarly priced warm can of beer outside in the cold, according to CHBV Chairman Angry Jack.

"Aaaaggghhhh bazzards, Jack just wantzis drink outta the rain," he told us outside the Willow Walk, a large Wetherspoons opposite London's Victoria station. The manager informed us that Jack had been removed several times that week for a string of offences, from wetting himself in a chair to falling over a table while two pensioners were taking advantage of a cheap fish and chips offer.

Jack is preparing to file a lawsuit against the pub chain to force their pubs to serve his members, even if they are given plastic glasses to drink outside and are only able to make revolting advances on female customers when they are having a fag.

However, JD Wetherspoons boss John Hutson defended local pubs for barring incoherent madmen who smell of piss from entering their premises. "At the end of the day the scumbags that we let in are bad enough as it is, so we don't want our staff to have to deal with the homeless as well. My advice to Jack and members of the CBHV is to get a hostel, sign on, and have a shower. Then we'll happily invite you in and get you off your fucking face all day for just 99p a pop!"

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