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Friday, January 30, 2009
Former Republican vice-presidential nominee Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska has been revealed as the woman who gave birth to 8 babies this week.
Halfway through a speech inaugurating her political action committee SarahPAC, the first of the babies popped out and Governor Palin was rushed to hospital for the full delivery. They have yet to be given their full names but for the time being will be known as Dreg, Smeg, Twit, Tit, Shit, Fuck, Ass and Piss.
Despite already having 5 children and a grandchild at home, Palin is confident that she will have no trouble juggling the demands of running Alaska and looking after her growing brood of rednecks.
"Ya know, I think that God smiled on us this week, he really did," she told us in a painkiller-induced haze, "we were already blessed with so many wonderful babies, but the latest bunch take us right over the finish line for the Palin football team."
"I'll certainly have no trouble finding campaign volunteers in 2012!"
Meanwhile her husband Todd was seen desperately trying to get into a closed family planning clinic in Wasilla before collapsing dejected on the floor. He was later found in a pool of blood outside his favourite bar having tried to give himself a vasectomy with a cork screw.