As Tony Davies of Exeter sat down on Christmas morning to sift through the cards received from family and friends, he could never have imagined the horror that was contained within the innocuous white envelopes scattered at his feet.
After having breakfast with his wife and children, Mr Davies began reading. At the first round robin from his Auntie Pat in Bristol detailing her hip operation and her son-in-law's new motorbike, he felt nauseous but managed to continue reading other cards. After two more round robins detailing the utter banality of his distant relatives lives he had to go outside for some fresh air and pour himself a scotch.
As his wife Janice told us, he perhaps should have stopped there. "I pleaded with him to give the cards to me, so I could check them for drivel and moronic trivia that people think we actually give a shit about, but he wouldn't listen. He insisted that he would see the funny side eventually and carried on."
At the fourth letter from a cousin that he hadn't seen in twenty years which contained meaningless information about gardening, television programs and cats, Tony became irritable, depressed and tearful. Despite a further attempt by his wife to take away the cards, Tony battled on, but this fight was to be his last.
Unluckily for Tony , the next round robin he opened was from his idiot brother Jim, who had written what was essentially a 6 page surmise on how 2008 was a great year for his family despite unemployment and divorce and listed run of the mill activities by his children as if they were genuine achievements. It was at this point that Tony began to suffer from blurry vision, and loss of motor ability. Janice watched in horror as he slipped away into a coma that he has still not woken from 3 days later.
The prognosis is not good, according to doctors. "Mr Davies suffered deep mental anguish from reading all this boring crap," said a spokesman for Exeter hospital. "He may have got through it but for the section in his brother's letter about the day trip to Bournemouth where he met Les Dennis."
Anti-Round Robin pressure group NO-SHIT has called for a public inquiry into why people think their friends and family want to read all this bollocks and warned people to treat round robins with care, lest they suffer the same fate as Mr Davies.
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