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Thursday, December 4, 2008

Bank of England 2% rate cut - your stupid questions answered

The Bank of England has cut interest rates to 2% apparently to help tackle the economic crisis. We don't really know what the fuck that means, but here goes nothing.

Will my mortgage be cut quickly?

The government certainly hopes so, but it is really just pissing in the wind. In November, it put huge pressure on lenders to pass on the full 1.5% cut in Bank Rate straight to their borrowers, even though many banks did not really want to and didn't even though your tax money bailed them out and paid for the Christmas piss ups. The fact is the banks are a bunch of bastards, so don't expect any favours or sympathy from them.

What about savers?

Sorry people. Those that haven't got themselves into oodles of debt are likely to be shagged up the arse pretty hard as well. If you've got £20,000 tucked away to pay for little Tommy's law degree, you'd best book him into a plumbing course now.

Will my loan or overdraft be cheaper?

Of course not, you prick. The banks have got you by the bollocks, and are going to keep squeezing until you become a mezzo soprano.

I am dead keen to buy a flat or house. This is all good news, surely?

Are you on drugs? You've got more chance of becoming pope than you have of buying a one bed shoebox in the home counties. The estate agents have all gone bust, and the bank managers are throwing darts at your picture as we speak.

Will this help the economy recover?

Like fuck will it. We're all doomed.

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