Stupid people won't get you pregnant

Imbeciles around the world are celebrating today as scientists in the UK revealed that clever people are more likely to knock you up.

Those thickos that are able to understand the concept of science and human reproduction are planning to hit the pubs, bars and clubs tonight in order to test out the new theory. Scientists believe that women will now be more likely to have one night stands with idiots if their chances of getting pregnant are lower.

Cretins apparently have a poorer quality of sperm compared to boffins according the the research, and therefore it is more likely to swim back out or head for the nearest rest area rather then plough on to find an egg.

Lead researcher Dr Rosalind Arden said: "This means that women hoping for a no-strings knee trembler should look for men who can barely write their own name to avoid an unwanted pregnancy. If however they do want a baby, someone like Stephen Hawking or Bill Gates will be the best lay. Whether it will be any good is another matter."