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Thursday, December 18, 2008

Obama appoints Britney Spears to head up White House Office of Vacuous Celebrity

As the President-Elect puts the finishing touches to a Cabinet comprised of former presidential rivals, experienced governors, senators and experts in their field, he has today announced an appointment that will prove his commitment to America’s favourite pastime.

The new Office of Vacuous Celebrity (OVC) will be a key part of Barack Obama’s White House and will ensure that the pointless activities of actors, singers, socialites and their hangers-on are at the heart of administration thinking and inform new policy from the outset. Obama has tapped world famous pop star and fruitcake Britney Spears to serve as the first director of the OVC and revealed his new ‘gossip girl’ at a press conference in Chicago.

“We as a nation are in the deepest economic crisis since the 1930s,” he told the gathered press. “It’s going to damage a lot of lives, and will take a lot of hard work to pull us out. But today I pledge that I will keep you distracted from the worst of the crisis with a revolution in celebrity news, views and sexy action. Ms Spears has long experience of getting acres of media coverage for achieving little and displays almost no talent. She has in my view the right skills and experience to lead the OVC and keep Americans more interested in lurid tabloid headlines than their own empty lives and broken dreams.”

Spears took to the podium to accept the nomination and slurred through her priorities for the task ahead. She immediately made good on her promise to hit the ground running by bursting into tears, flashing her ass at the assembled reporters and shaving her head. She was then strapped to a stretcher and dragged screaming to her new transition office by ambulance, with a convoy of paparazzi in tow and several network news helicopters overhead.

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