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Friday, December 12, 2008
The war of words over the UK’s approach to the financial crisis has descended into personal insults, as the Germans make the most of their chance to have a go at us again at last.
“You see, zees Englander svine do not understand ze vay money vorks,” the German finance minister told reporters in Berlin. “Vot these idiots need to do is keep printing money until ze hyperinflation happens, yah. Bread vill then cost millions of pounds per loaf and then ze people will start buying ze veel barrows to carry it around in. The boost to ze economy from veel barrow sales alone vill save ze financial system and put England on ze road to recovery.”
When questioned further, Herr Steinbruck outlined the next stage of his recovery plan. “Following zis, a charismatic young politician vill unite ze nation and lead them to ze victory. It vould also help if they stopped laughing at ze toilet, built some guten cars and learned to cook ze cabbage properly.”
British politicians and tabloid newspapers were scathing in their criticism. “What did we fight the war for? To let some sausage sucking kraut root through our turds with a biro?” ranted shadow foreign secretary William Hague. “This is just yet more Eurocrat nonsense,” said Europe minister Caroline Flint, “next they’ll be telling us to wear leather shorts and walk together in lines, raising our legs at a pronounced angle.”
The Daily Mail has responded by printing the names and addresses of all Germans living in the UK and calling on it’s readers to form mobs and attack them. Insane columnist Melanie Phillips wrote: “The Germans have tried and failed to conquer this country before - we cannot let single mothers, asylum seekers and gays help them succeed this time.”
The current tit-for-tat abuse is reminiscent of the quarrels between Adolf Hitler and Neville Chamberlain in the run up to World War 2. Then Chamberlain referred to the Fuhrer as a “one-bollocked poofter”, following the collapse of peace talks, while Hitler called the Prime Minister a “skinny prickenfocker” at the outbreak of war in 1939.