A senior advisor to Tony Blair has leaked a secret dossier to the Stupid Times detailing plans to make the former British PM Barack Obama’s new best friend.
The document reveals how the former Prime Minister will sever ties and denounce all the policies of George Bush in an attempt to win over the new President ‘Elect’. Ultimately Blair is seeking to be appointed to a specially created position called ‘Guardian of the Special Relationship’. From here he will be able to ensure that whoever is in the White House will have a British politician to walk all over on a daily basis.
Blair’s office initially denied all knowledge of the dossier to the Stupid Times. However, 45 minutes later an aggressive scotsman called back to confirm its existence but then dismissed it as ‘dodgy’ and not to be trusted. However, a reliable source revealed the former PM was deeply concerned about no longer having the ear of the US President.
“Despite appearances Tony never really liked George and was always strongly opposed to the Iraq War. He only went along with it because he knew he was the only person able to keep the American gung-ho approach in check.
“Apart from the fact that up to 500,000 people have been killed he feels to have been successful in his mission. What you have to remember is that Tony has always been a big fan of money, power and celebrity. Obama has all of these and so he wants to be his mate, even if his actions once again expose him as a principle free zone.”
The White House was nonplussed by the story and Obama’s spokesman said the President Elect was much more interested in having the tasty Argentine President round for tea.
“There is also the small issue of Blair having achieved fuck all as peace envoy to the Middle East. I don’t think Tony realises that working for JP Morgan and making crappy speeches in China is not a great help to people living in the Gaza Strip.”
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