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Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Is playing the Martians just about the money for Man U?

Angry officials at Manchester Shitty have labelled the decision of their great city rivals to enter an inter-galactic tournament a ‘cynical money making operation’.

Manchester United recently won the World Club Championship and has now agreed to travel to a galaxy far far beyond in an attempt to be crowned the ‘Masters of the Universe’. But sources close to the trillionaire Sheik owner of Shitty say the move by United is a desperate attempt to usurp them as the most disgustingly rich team on the planet.

Mo Principle, who sits on Shitty’s board said: “We know that Man United have been frustrated in their attempts to sell their new away strip in war-torn and poverty stricken parts of Africa.

So they are now looking to knock-out their shirts across the Solar System in an attempt to make even more cash and challenge our ability to pay the most obscenely high wages to obnoxious, foul-mouthed young footballers.

Selling the club to a corrupt former Thai-President and then a bunch of Sheiks who have never been to Manchester may be seen as distasteful in some quarters. But trying to push crappy merchandise in places like Pluto and Venus is beyond the pale.”

Players and senior management at Old Trafford have dismissed Shitty’s accusations, saying they are just jealous at not having the opportunity to test their abilities against eleven little green men.

However, they have acknowledged that travelling millions of miles at the speed of light for a mid-week game may leave them a little leggy for the weekend trip to Hull.

Raul Mouth, a Spanish member of Sir Alex Ferguson’s coaching staff: “We believe Rooney and Ronaldo will be able to get in behind the Martians and grab us that all important away goal. If we can knock-out a few scarves and hats from the back of the team bus at half-time then all the better.

We just have to hope that playing in temperatures in excess of 1000 degrees will not hamper us too much and their referee will not object to our boys cheating and calling him a fucking wanker.”

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