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Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Santa Claus arrested for drink driving

Millions of children across the world could be waking up to a big disappointment this Christmas morning after Santa Claus was picked up by police yesterday for driving his sleigh under the influence of alcohol.

According to the British police, Santa was making some early deliveries to orphanages and hospitals in London when he was seen stumbling out of a chimney pot near Tower Bridge looking a little the worse for wear. He was intercepted as he prepared to take off outside City Hall and given a breathalyzer test having failed to walk in a straight line. It is understood that Mr Claus was sick over one of the arresting officers and was overheard blaming "too many bloody mince pies and scotch" before falling over.

He is currently being held at Southwark Police station while a legal elf helper travels from the North Pole to bail him out. If convicted, Santa Claus could face a one year ban from driving his sleigh and up to 3 months in prison.

Known around the world for his red face, rotund physique and penchant for whisky, brandy, beer and any other kind of liquor left out for him on Christmas Eve, it’s perhaps no surprise that Mr Claus has been caught drunk in charge of his reindeer, and some media commentators have been asking why it’s taken so long.

Daily Mail hate-monger Melanie Phillips suggested that Santa's love of booze has caused the present binge drinking epidemic, and his shiny red suits might turn boys gay. She also wondered why a grown man was so keen on giving presents to children, before concocting a theory that poor people are responsible for the credit crunch and should therefore return to old fashioned lifestyles of serfdom and slavery to atone for their sins.


Have a Stupid Christmas!!


1 comment:

  1. Stop leaving brandy under the tree for him people! Or at least buy him one of these...


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