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Sunday, March 15, 2009

Rooney to get even with Mourinho as soon as he can spell it

Which one of you f*cking c*nts wants some then?

Jose Mourinho has defended his decision to spark out Wayne Rooney’s brother in the Old Trafford car park after the Champions League match on Wednesday night.

The Special One had been leaving the ground to get on the team bus after seeing his team Inter Milan beaten 2-0 by Man United when he spotted Dwayne Rooney breaking into one of the players cars.

Mourinho told him to get lost but was then subjected to a stream of abuse. This included the allegation that the Portugese manager was wearing a fake cashmere scarf. Jose explained:

“At this moment I just saw red. I am the coolest of dudes and was no way going to take shit about my rags from a stupid scouser wearing a hoodie.

“He fronted up so I just dropped him with a left to the body and a nice right uppercut. I didn't think anything more of it until I was back in Milan and saw Wayne on TV saying he was coming after me.

“I have two questions. How was I supposed to know this was Dwayne and what the fuck was he doing trying to break into his own brother’s car?”

Law enforcement agencies in Manchester appear unlikely to press charges and are currently fighting over who can get hold of the CCTV footage and flog it off to the Sun and the Mirror.

Meanwhile Wayne and Dwayne have gone to ground and are thought to be plotting their revenge.

However, plans are said to have run aground after Dwayne realised he was tagged, reporting for community service and his passport was confiscated. The other problem is that neither brother knows where Italy is on the map.

Man United skipper Ryan Giggs said:

“The lads now suspect that Wayne had sent Dwayne out to break into our cars while the game was going on. The word is that Coleen has been caning the credit cards again.

“Having met Dwayne it comes as no surprise to hear that he ended up trying to break into his brother’s car by mistake. I would just like to have seen Jose lay the boot in as well after dropping the lad to the canvas.”

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