Fritzl displaces Hitler as favourite Austrian at the Daily Mail

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The Daily Mail relies on these two for 40% of its stories

Press commentators have called into question the editorship of the Daily Mail as recent figures show they have not run a story about Adolf Hitler for 3 days.

Regular readers have been trying to contact their head offices at Ein, Tiergarten Strasse, Berlin following the complete lack of any mention of the Austrian born German road-builder extraordinaire. Normally the paper is awash with psychic diaries of the “great leader” or occasional articles questioning the total number of gonads of which he was in possession, but this week has been poor for Fuhrerphiles.

Defenders of the paper have been quick to point out that Joseph Fritzl has been temporarily ensconced as the temporary Austrian nutter of choice at the Daily Mail’s head bunker and normal service will resume as soon as he is sent down for various crimes that no family newspaper could possibly repeat. Luckily the Daily Mail is no family newspaper anyway and has run the story of Herr Fritzl’s admitted crimes in considerable detail.

After prolonged and extensive investigations The Stupid Times can allay regular Mail readers’ fears as it appears their sister paper, Der PostenTag auf Sontag, has an exclusive 78 page pull-out dramatisation of young Adolf’s Great War experiences. This will offer unparalleled insight into his actions fighting the British (for the first time) as well as the chance to win an exclusive autographed painting by the great man from Paul Dacre’s extensive personal collection.

Neo-Nazi nutcases were said to be upset that their prime source of information on the continuing struggle against European Bolshevism had decided to concentrate on this short arsed psychopathic Austrian pervert as opposed to the usual stories highlighting the life of Austria’s most famous short arsed perverted psychopath.

Interestingly, aficionados of Hitler are hoping that Fritzl’s time in prison will prove as productive as the former German Chancellor’s, at least when it comes to the written word. Hitler’s best seller Mein Kampf (which translates as My Struggle - with reality) was an international best seller which helped the young artist rehabilitate after leaving Landsberg Prison and the Daily Mail’s Chief Sports writer, Kevin Goebbels, has similar expectations regarding Herr Fritzl.

“He is obviously nuts but strangely enigmatic. His piercing blue A4 folder looks right through you. I love leather.”

Monster lovers were also appalled at the slight by association that leader-writers were inflicting on their hobby with the persistent inability to come up with another meaningful term of opprobrium for a man who, let’s face it, would probably be elected to the state senate in Alabama.

by Robert Dobson
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