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Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Bullet-proof designer suits head for world markets

.Do you get shot to the left or right sir?

The regular bullet-proof ballistic vest, favoured by riot squadrons and security services around the world for its tough reliability has received a super trendy new makeover.

What has been labelled as the Armani of armoured clothes has been created and designed by Miguel Caballero from none other than Bogota, Columbia.

Bogota, once considered one of the most violent cities in the world, has reduced its homicide and fatality rate per 100,000 people, and Caballero claims this new trend has more to do with him than the Colombian capital’s security police force.

"My new range of bullet-proof designer clothing has been essential to saving many, many lives throughout the Americas. Even if my clients are shot in the head they still look absolutely fabulous for the ensuing paparazzi frenzy that follows. I truly believe that I perform a greater service to mankind than any doctor on this earth. Fashion saves far more lives than doctors ever could."

"It is only the reasonably wealthy that are able to afford our products” continued Caballero. "Clients are usually presidents from volatile states such as Venezuela, cocaine dealers, and washed-up actors who can’t afford security personnel or disarm potential attackers with a simple karate-chop to the left elbow, like Steven Seagal."

He revealed that one special commission has come from the King of Thailand, who requested that a bullet-proof suit be created in his trademark pink colour.

"We can only hope for a Malay separatist to pick up a sniper rifle and get a clear shot at the king. After all, he’ll be sticking out like a cluster bomb fragment in a nursery. We’d even be willing to supply the rifle. From then on, Miguel Caballero will be a household name."

With a price tag ranging from $4000-8000US these items of clothing do not come cheap. "Our obvious target markets are the upper-echelons of down-trodden societies, such as Mexico and South Africa. The current conflict in the middle east therefore is opening up some pretty exciting prospects for us."

"My creative team have designed some fabulous new garments in traditional Arabic dress, all bullet-proof, of course. Trouble is I don’t think they’ll be able to afford them."

by Kyle Cooper

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