Brown-noser Brown to insert tongue into Obama's brown-eye

.This is how I'll do it, oh yeah Barry...

UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown arrives in Washington D.C. today with a plan to be the first European leader to lick President Obama's arse.

Although Japanese premier Taro Aso will have already left the new President's ringpiece as clean as a whistle, Brown will hope that the meeting today will cement the special relationship that has existed between Britain and the USA since World War II.

Also, Brown is hoping that some good old-fashioned brown nosing will help some of Obama's stardust shake off onto him. Speaking to reporters en route to America, Brown cited convention in his bid to bagsy the presidential poo chute for the UK, ahead of France or Germany.

"When Ronald Reagan won the election in 1980, Mrs Thatcher wanted the first lash of his doughnut, and President Valéry Giscard d'Estaing sat back and let her go," he told the press, licking his lips furiously in preparation.

"John Major was allowed the first sniff of Bill Clinton's crack in 1993, and Chancellor Helmut Kohl made no fuss whatsoever. Similarly, Tony Blair flew straight to Washington in 2001 to give George W. Bush's crevice a spit and polish, and Spanish PM Jose Maria Aznar accepted that he would have to wait his turn."

Meanwhile in the USA, as the fall out from the 2008 election continues, senior Republicans have been trading blows over who will get the first run at kicking former president George W. Bush and ex-veep Dick Cheney's teeth in. John McCain is the obvious choice, but he is fighting off 20 odd ex-members of the House and at least 5 former senators for the privilege.
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