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Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Obama celebrates 100 days by resigning

.'This really isn't worth it anymore', says intelligent family man

President Barack Obama has marked his first 100 days in office by turning over the cabinet table and storming out of the White House for good.

Since taking office on January 20th, Obama has dealt with crisis after crisis and following a tetchy meeting with his top officers today, he finally admitted that he "can't deal with all this shit any more."

Speaking exclusively to the Stupid Times at a downtown DC bar, the former Commander-in-Chief told us that a meeting to discuss the swine flu pandemic was the final straw.

"So we're sitting there talking prevention measures," he said, nursing the 3rd of many Buds consumed that afternoon, "and Sebelius (the new HHS secretary) asks me if we have enough facemasks in the White House for everyone. I'm like OMG, those fucking things don't work anyway, let's get back to the real issue. But then everyone starts begging for masks for them and their families, so I listen to the noise for a while and then I snap. Table goes over, paper and pens everywhere. I'm outta there."

The 44th president admits he had more on his mind and the masks issue was just the trigger.

"Geithner's squeaking fucking voice, Hillary laughing behind my back, Fox News - it's all too much. What can we get done anyway? We've got no money, and even Arlen Specter's knocking on my door now. I for one, do NOT want to spend any time with that asshole for a living."

Obama left the bar several hours later to pick up his stuff and go back to Chicago with the family. But before he left he fired this parting shot to the media and his former colleagues and rivals.

"You won't have Barry to kick around no more. Jon Stewart can kiss my arse if he thought he would ever get round to shitting on me. If you want me I'll be in front of my TV."

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