Burning your skin orange might be bad, say experts

Women who sit in the blazing sun without suncream or lie under really hot strips of heat and light may be at a greater risk of developing skin cancer, some fucking geniuses claim.

Thick women under the age of thirty are most affected and the rate of malignant melanoma in that age group is at an all-time high. These women are also at the greatest risk of ending up having a face like Keith Richards' scrotum by the time they are forty.

The prevalance of orange women has been on the increase since the 1980s and millions of women regularly visit tanning salons up and down Britain. However, many are now vowing to quit their dangerous habit in favour of spray tans, which many insist give a better shade of orange anyway.

Tracey Smith, a 28 year-old imbecile from Essex, is one of those to have made the switch. Wearing sunglasses to shield his eyes from the orange glare, The Stupid Times' beauty correspondant Harold Watko caught up with Tracey outside her local branch of TK Maxx.

"All this shit they chatting is bad innit. I ain't doing sunbeds no more," she shrieked. "I is getting spray tan, then Dave will stop fucking my sister, no mistake."