Tories furious as Tory is elected new Commons Speaker

Conservative members of parliament were apoplectic last night as Conservative MP John Bercow was elected Speaker of the House of Commons. Senior Tories have accused the government of 'dirty tricks' by installing a Tory into the job.

After 2 Labour Speakers, the Conservative Party believed it was time for on of their own to hold parliament's top job, and many refused to applaud as Mr Bercow, a Conservative MP since 1997, was symbolically dragged to the Speaker's chair.

With ten candidates in the fray at the start, the final vote was between Sir George Young, a Tory MP, and Bercow. Many on the Conservative benches were visibly angry at having an all Tory shortlist to choose from.

One senior party grandee vented his spleen to The Stupid Times in Strangers' Bar after the final vote. "That little twerp has betrayed us, no two ways about it. When he believed in hanging and flogging and keeping Mandela in jail, he could have had my vote and lived in my house! Now he's gone soft, he'll never have my support. Left-wing turd."

Posh and rich old Etonian Tory leader David Cameron was apparently outraged that posh and rich old Etonian Sir George was defeated on the final ballot. A source close to Mr Cameron said: "This little oik went to a fucking comprehensive school for Christ's sake, and he never made it to Oxbridge. No silver spoon in any orifice. David wanted one of us in the chair, not someone who had made it on his own."

Meanwhile, Labour MPs were full of joy, having installed one of their opponents to preside over parliament. Reading MP Martin Salter, who ran Mr Bercow's campaign, denied that it was orchestrated to make trouble for a future Conservative government. "Of course not," he told us early this morning. "We just thought it would be funny."