New Commons Speaker to be chosen on reality TV show

With Michael Martin's time as Speaker of the House of Commons coming to an end on Sunday, MPs have settled on a way to update the process of electing his successor.

Following the controversy over expenses, Mr Martin announced he would resign on June 21st several weeks ago. Previously the Speaker was chosen through archaic methods such as voting and counting, but now members wish to bring the selection of their presiding officer into the 21st century.

A new primetime show called I'm an MP......get me in the Chair! will be aired on ITV1 on Sunday and Monday with the candidates for the job put through various tests at a camp in the New Forest. The public will vote off one MP every few hours by phone. Presented by Ant and Dec, the tasks will include drinking steaming hot bowls of horseshit, climbing up trees to get food rations, and eating animal genitals in an attempt to prove they are the best person for the job.

The final two candidates will have to strip down and take part in a naked mudwrestling contest on Monday evening to decide the eventual winner of parliament's most prestigious post.

Harriet Harman, Leader of the House and Chairman of the Modernisation Committee, denied that MPs were dumbing down the process. "We have to realise that people today are not switched on to politics and the democratic process, especially young people. We firmly belive that the sight of senior members of the house vying for the speakership by eating cows cocks and fighting eachother in a pit of filth will help us to reconnect with the electorate."