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Thursday, June 25, 2009
The British public are celebrating this morning having been given the go ahead to live on burgers, chips, chocolate and blocks of lard.
Consumer group Which? have undone years of public health education in a single stroke by pointing out that vegetables smeared in gloopy fat based dressings are not much good for you. Most people on the street have taken this as confirming what they have always thought - namely, that salad is a bunch of arse.
As the news broke, lardarses could be seen leaving their homes and waddling to the nearest shops in order to stockpile pastry based foods. Scenes of jubilation have been reported at supermarkets as hordes of flabby bastards clear the aisles of fatty snacks.
Henry Davies, a 20 stone twat from Haringey, north London, said that the announcement had freed him from years of stress over his eating habits. "Basically, I'm been eating salads trying to lose weight, and now I hear it's been worse for me," he told us between doughnuts. "There was me sticking to a strict diet of half a kilo of egg mayonnaise a day with a lettuce leaf balanced on top, and I could have been eating whatever I wanted? It's a bloody outrage. Ooooh, nice filling."