The closest President Barack Obama and former Vice President Dick Cheney came to direct competition in the past were attacks and rebuttals during the 2008 campaign.
But yesterday the long awaited clash of these two political titans took place in the form of a spelling bee at two separate locations in Washington, D.C. The mood of the contest was focused squarely on keeping America safe.
In an hour long challenge the two men faced each other via satellite link, Obama at the National Archives, Cheney at the American Enterprise Institute, and spelled out words selected by a panel of security experts.
Taking the first word was Cheney - former Vice President, Defense Secretary, Representative and White House Chief of Staff. When asked to spell HUBRIS he fluffed it with H-U-B-R-E-S, giving an early advantage to his opponent.
President Obama, a former Senator from Illinois, succeeded on his first challenge, correctly spelling H-E-A-L-I-N-G. He held the edge over Cheney for several rounds until the Wyoming GOP giant drew equal at the end of round 10.
For the tiebreakers, Cheney succeeded in spelling WATERBOARDING on the first attempt but Obama struggled with CLUSTERFUCK, asking to hear it in a sentence. "The Bush-Cheney administration was an excellent example of a CLUSTERFUCK in government," replied the panel, and then Obama gave the correct answer.
However, the final tiebreaker saw the contest go to the President. He confidently spelled out INTERROGATION and sat down sure of victory. Cheney was asked to spell HUMILITY and immediately lost his footing. Asking for a sentence, he was given "You sir, do not appear to have a single fucking shred of HUMILITY you crypto-fascist piece of shit."
Looking distraught, Cheney admitted defeat and sank into his chair.
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