Cabinet claimed expenses for new underpants

.Gordon didn't like the reaction to his YouTube broadcasts

Gordon Brown and his top ministers are under fire today as details of their expenses are published.

The most shocking revelation is that the Cabinet has been charging their underwear cleaning and replacement bills to the taxpayer. Following months of negative headlines, endless crises and public humiliation, the Cabinet have regularly been shitting their pants before breakfast, again during parliamentary questions, and at bedtime.

The end result has been the need to buy new knickers for government ministers and spend a small fortune on industrial cleaning for the undercrackers that survive.

Gordon Brown put through a claim of £6,000 for cleaning his y-fronts the week after the Northern Rock collapse, with Chancellor Alistair Darling claiming £800 for replacement grots. Health Secretary Alan Johnson spent £2,500 on 'skid removal' after the swine flu outbreak started, and Communities Secretary Hazel Blears issued a £200 claim for undergarments earlier this week.

The Conservatives have demanded a full inquiry into why the taxpayer is paying for the government's shitted shreddies. David Cameron issued the following statement:

"If I shit my pants, my butler and my maid lick the turds off the gusset and then wash them in a bucket using sand for detergent. Doesn't cost me or you a penny."
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