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Thursday, May 21, 2009

MP retiring over taxpayer funded secret island

.No, Mr Viggers, I expect you to retire!
Image courtesy of Cairns Unlimited

A Tory MP is to leave parliament after admitting he claimed a £1.6 million "secret island" on expenses.

Sir Peter Viggers, whose world domination claims totalled £30 million is to quit at "the direct request of the chairman of SPECTRE" for bringing the terror organization into disrepute.

The island, which lies off the coast of an undisclosed landmass in an undisclosed sea, features an airport, barracks for heavily armed mercenaries, a weapons research facility and a fake volcano which Viggers sits in to stroke his white cat.

The evil genius has based his operations out of the Gosport constituency in Hampshire for much of the past 35 years, but decided to purchase the island in 2003 following investigations by the parliamentary authorities into his blatant piss-taking.

It is understood that the British counter-terrorism police, assisted by a handsome MI6 agent, are en route to the island. They will be politely asking Viggers to pay back the money he claimed from taxpayers to fund his crime empire.

In a statement, Sir Peter said: "The claims I made were in accordance with the rules. The fees office are fools. I offered my services, they refused. So did the police. Now they can both pay for their mistake."

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