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Thursday, July 2, 2009
As swine flu fears sweep across Britain, nauseating middle class parents have found a new way to imagine they are yet again in control of another public health scare.
However, efforts by Britain's mums to look superior in the face of expert scientists advising against fads and bullshit ideas are being undermined by the nation's Dads hovering in the garden throughout and drinking too much beer in the garden.
A 'swine flu' party and barbecue in Wimbledon hosted by Ffion Sullivan on Sunday was derailed after Tom Davies, wife of Maria, brought a crate of Kronenbourg despite a no alcohol request. The men soon consumed the strong fizzy lager and spent the afternoon knocking plastic cricket balls over the fence and onto the salad table. Ffion's husband Andrew was "absolutely no help" according to attendees, and was too drunk to stop the sausages from burning.
Meanwhile, things took a more sinister turn in Newbury, Berkshire on Tuesday night. An early evening get together at Sarah and Jon Peters' to allow the ill children to mingle with the healthy ones led to a 7 hour bender after the men went to the pub early on in the evening with the excuse of needing to get more ice cream. Following 5 pints, the men finally returned to the Peters' home at 11:30pm and proceeded to drink all the wine, including that bottle that Sarah was saving for her birthday. A massive row ensued into the early hours with crying children, disturbed neighbours, and shame all round.
Professor Gary Richards of Leeds University cast doubts on the wisdom of swine flu parties. "The strain of flu will mutate in any case, so your kids getting ill now might not help and you're just spreading unwanted infections," he said. "And what's more, all the men will have to take the next day off sick with a hangover."